The “F” word is a powerful word. It’s simplistic, easy to say, and packs one hell of a punch when said. Its just that too many people want to have said to them as a way of finding closure when others do us wrong.
Before you go on thinking that the “F” word is four letters long and rhymes with duck, I am actually about forgiveness.
For what ever their reasons, people upon occasion do wrong to us. Whether its for monetary gain, matters of the heart, or just out of pure evil intent people can and will hurt you. That’s a given, and unless you become a hermit and cut off all interactions with others it will happen time and time again. We cant change that, but forgiveness as we all know is freeing and the right thing to do, but the questions are do other deserve it and how many times should we forgive others?
So far the year 2011 has been a real fucking asshole of a year for most of us. Natural and Man-made Disasters, celebrity meltdowns, nuclear meltdowns, economic stress, political disagreements, and many more have plagued our lives in one way or another this year. Again it’s a given.
I am not immune from this plague. I have a friend….well had friend, who I would do ….well would have done anything for. I wont go into specifics but the relationship ended with me minus one friend. I received a call from this friend apologizing for his actions and thanking me for helping him in his time of need. While the gratitude was appreciated, I found myself questioning the apology and its sincerity.
Apologies should consist of three things:
1: What did I do wrong?
2: I feel badly for hurting you.
3: How do I make this better?
When someone apologizes and leaves one of this elements out…or just says I am sorry for being an asshole….doesn’t really make the situation better. Now granted that we are all adults, or trying to achieve that idea (lets face it, some people find it a challenge to grow up) so feelings take on a new meaning from elementary school. It’s not that “feelers” are experiencing pain, but right and wrong are clear as day and night, and half-ass apologies don’t fix a friendship.
I had this kind of apology, and I am questioning its validity. Now I want to forgive and forget, however I know the same action will happen later. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results, and I have forgiven this person before. Fool me once, same on me. Now I am expected to forgive again and trust this person once more. Fool me twice you will not.
I am not asking for vindication on my situation but I am using it as an example. We should forgive others. It’s even biblically correct to forgive others, but moreover no one wants to play or feel like the fool.
Again we cant control the actions of others, only our reactions to it. Should we rush back into a bad relationship only to have it broken again? No, to move forward in our lives one must find closure. I am not saying that you should never exonerate those who deal us a shitty hand, but use some common sense.
Its not the end of the world if this person isn’t in your life anymore. I promise you the Earth will keep spinning and the Sun will rise again. Worst case-scenario is they will awkwardly appear again at your door and will call you and ask for forgiveness…..again (irony!). But stay strong and don’t give in. The heart can be a real mofo, but so can the head.
Moral is that a person who can truly forgive another who truly admits a mistake is a great thing, but a fool who allows a user to hurt again is just plain pathetic. Use common sense, and take time to weigh out the options; no one says that exoneration should be an instant yes answer.
So before you go and use the “F” word like a foul mouthed fool, maybe you should think about telling the other person to “F” off.